Tuesday, August 31, 2010

So. Tired.

I have never experienced what such extreme exhaustion has felt like until recently. Im am so tired. Thankfully when I get to work though, I'm able to push past it and do my thing. Work doesn't feel like 'work' like it did in college. I don't dread it nor do I hate going there. I love my job and I love what I do, now if I could just get the hang of it. Im not going to lie, Im not used to not being good at something.

Im so thankful God has blessed me with such a great class. Are they perfect? No. They have their behavior issues and I have some that drive me nuts but they all mesh so well. I feel so lucky. They have great parents who are involved and care about what they are doing and to be honest, I feel spoiled.

I am finally making friends. I went to church on Sunday and feel like it could be my church home. I enjoy the people I work with and know that if I ever needed anything, they would drop anything to help me.

I feel like I'm waiting for the ball to drop and I shouldn't be this lucky. Anyone ever feel that way? Like when something good happens to you, it has to be followed by something bad?

Maybe Im just crazy.

Baby fever is slowly starting to set in. I've been saying I don't want babies for years and now I feel like I want one. Its a little baby bug but I hope it goes away because I'm not sure I'm ready. Are you ever really ready?

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Broken Record

Oh My Word. Where have I been.. I feel like my whole world flipped up side down and I have been thrown into the real world. I am now officially a teacher even though my contract was signed quite a while ago. Even though I am the one with the classroom and stand at the front of the room and have the desk, I don't feel like a teacher. I don't even feel like an adult sometimes! I don't feel old enough to be in this world, I remember being the age that my students are, it honestly seems like yesterday.

I have never been so tired in my life and can honestly say I'm not just saying that. I can't count how many days I have stayed at work 11-12 hours and come home and just crashed. I thought the other night, what do people with children do? How do they come home to a family and take care of a household? I haven't cooked dinner in over a week, I do my chores on the weekend and thankfully its just the mister and I so our house stays pretty clean. I just can't imagine coming home and being a mom.

On a lighter note, I have made friends. Im so ecstatic about that. I have THE best, no really, I do, the best team. I love the people I work with and I work at such a great school with a positive atmosphere (sorry to gloat but I just want to share my excitement). I have made beautiful (Im referring to the inside but they are beautiful on the outside too) friends. I am just so excited. It makes all the long hours worth it. Id rather work all the time with wonderful people than very few hours with people Im miserable with. One of my new friends even blogs!!! I don't tell anyone that I blog, for multiple reasons but I was looking at her facebook profile and saw her blog and was so excited!

I hope to find my niche soon and get the hang of all the things that I have to do because I feel like Im one big multi-tasker. I have such a great class, 14 boys and 7 girls and they all mesh well so wonderfully. Are they the perfect class? No, I don't expect them to be but I already love them. I'm so excited for the year to get rolling and for us all to get in our groove.

Funny of the week.. I was so nervous this week, I never introduced myself to my class. I told them my name but didn't tell them anything about me. For 3 days. My mom lectured me about this and how it was important. She also lectured me about the difference between being strict and being mean. Apparently I am the stylish and pretty teacher but Im mean. I don't even care at this point, Im just trying to survive.

This weekend... sleep and trying a new church with Mr. G. I am so excited about this church, Ive heard great things about it and I hope it can be our new church home.

Hope everyone is surviving August. The temperature dropped 10 degrees here putting it in the 90's and it has felt so nice. Really, it has made a world of difference, I hope that means fall is right around the corner! I LOVE fall and decorating and all the scents and the leaves, I could go on. :)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Oh Arizona

Oh how I figured out Arizona is not the state for me. It smells very different, especially in the morning and after it rains. I couldn't wait to get back to Texas. I love Texas. There is just something about Texas, ya know? People from Texas have alot of pride.. we do. How many people do you know from your state that will tattoo for example the state of Michigan on their body because they love it so much.. I know a couple of people who just love Texas so much that they have tattooed it onto their body. We take redneck serious down here.

Where is this post going? Yes, Arizona not about Texas and pride. So I was in Arizona for 9 days. Nine long days, nine days that left me emotionally and physically exhausted.

I have a cousin who is 5 years older than me that I grew up with. I am very close to her and consider her my best friend. She is one of the main reasons that I was able to get through college, she kept me motivated. She has been struggling for the past 7 years with anorexia and food restricting. It didn't become apparant to me until 2 years ago when it started to consume her whole life. The poor woman is the most career driven person I know, VP of her department in her corporation at 28, owns her own house, financially independent but something was missing. One day on her way to work, instead of turning left to get on the highway, she turned right and decided it was finally time to check herself into rehab, in Arizona. She drove to her moms house and they spent 2 days working out all the kinks and in 5 days, she was off.

She called me and told me what she was doing and I canceled my plans in June to fly to Chicago (on a days notice) and went to say goodbye to her for atleast 8 weeks. There would be no phone conversations, just good old fashioned letter writing.

She called me one day and asked if I would go with her mom to Arizona to attend family week and learn about her disorder and participate in her therapy. Let me tell you, it was not puppies and kittens. I felt so emotionally exposed and vulnerable and really struggled with having to be brutally honest with her about what her eating disorder has done to our relationship and myself personally.

I felt as if I was in family counseling, personal counseling, and marriage counseling all at once. Needless to say, wounds will hopefully start to heal and we can all start to move forward.

I definitely look at people suffering from addictions differently now. Having an eating disorder I learning is an addiction itself and it takes over every aspect of your life. Im not giving people with addictions a free pass but I can understand now how it takes over and you can't think of anything else.

So that is where I have been and what I have learned. I am exhausted today as I worked 10.5 hours for the first time in such a long time. Im exhausted. Literally. Have a great Thursday, this means it's almost the weekend!!!!

Monday, August 2, 2010

I'm Back.. And I Feel Like A Loser!

I have been in the land of dry heat and sand for the last 10 days. Oh, there really is no place like home. I feel like such a loser because I missed reading my blogs, I was sitting in our hotel room one night thinking, 'Man, I just need some 'me' time and would love to just read some fun blogs'.

Words can not even begin to express how emotionally exhausted I am today. I really want to write about the experience I had over the last week and a half but I am having trouble finding words, I want to do so in a way that is classy and full of tact just in case my blog is ever found by my IRL posse, and because this person is very close to me. I also want to share all the things I learned. I hate when I read things on blogs and people are cryptic, because IMO, if you are going to spark peoples interest and leave them hanging, then don't say anything at all. But that's just me. :)

I officially started professional development this week and got my classroom keys. I felt so validated getting my keys today and opening my door. It was as if all the hard work has paid off. I love hearing a new jingle on my key ring, it's music to my ears. Now comes the work of getting my room together after training in the afternoon and into the evenings. Lord help me.

Can't wait to catch up on every one's blogs!!!